Tequila-fueled Cavalier!!
Calexico, CA
Gonzalez International Motors has introduced its first Tequila-fueled vehicle, the Speedy.
The Speedy is based on a Chevy Cavalier chassis, on which a Nissan engine has been retrofitted. Heavy component recycling, hand-picked from the finest junkyards complete the package, making the Speedy one of the most environmental-friendly vehicles around.
“99% of it is recycled” Gonzalez Motors spokesperson Juan Gonzalez proudly boasts.
Optimized to run on 100% pure-Agave Tequila, the Speedy will still run on a assortment of spirits, including Bourbon, Sake or even the cheapest potato-based Polish Vodka.
Since the raw spirits are so corrosive and could damage the engine, Gonzalez Motors has come with a novel Quasi Semi-Indirect Oil Interchange. Loose fitting piston rings allow crankcase oil to mix with the Tequila, forming thick carbon deposits on the cylinder heads that prevent it from corroding. “Customers will appreciate the convenience of not having to mix the fuel and oil, like a normal two stroke engine” Juan Gonzalez with obvious delight continues, “and the fact that the Speedy provides an outstanding downhill acceleration of 0-60 in two minutes, while maintaining an economy of 120 MPG. Gallons of oil, that is.”
Luxury options include a raincoat to protect the driver during inclement weather, sturdy roof rails for the heaviest lawnmower, dancing disco lights, a fashionable coat-hanger high gain radio antenna, bobbing-head figurines and a hand-crafted pinewood box capable of holding up to 20 of your ripped Kumbia Kings or Selena CDs. Matching wheels and tires are normally not included, but may be custom-ordered.
Salud!
The U.S. has reached a point “where the priorities of Congress could become so distorted by politics” that it would turn its back on the next great global industry, clean power — Rhone Resch
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