I have to agree with what plusaf is saying here. This goes to the heart of how a significant other responds to a situation that you are genuinely concerned about. If I am worried about the way my spouse/girlfriend is driving and I bring up my discomfort about it - and she does nothing different (or ignores me), then what does this say about that person? Sounds like somebody who doesn't care about what I'm thinking and feeling. I think it says something about their personality - not just about how they drive. It says to me that you'd better forget about having a logical reasonable discussion with that person about things that bother you if it intrudes on their beliefs/manners. And you can always think about it like this - if the relationship goes further and leads to a child down the road... Is this how he/she would be driving your child around??? Think about it.
Sorry - I guess I have a problem with not being completely honest with someone you're in a relationship with! (My wife tells me I'm brutally honest... perhaps there is a better balance than what I've suggested, but I hope you see my points)
Sorry - I guess I have a problem with not being completely honest with someone you're in a relationship with! (My wife tells me I'm brutally honest... perhaps there is a better balance than what I've suggested, but I hope you see my points)
I've been driving for many, many years (more than I care to admit) and I have never been in an accident, not even a minor one. There have been a couple of close calls but my passenger's prompt intervention saved the day.
Thank God for passengers that criticize your driving, they risk a small argument but could also save lives.
Best Tank = 54.2 mpg (Sep. 9'06)
Best Trip = 61.9 mpg
Far be it from me to be on the side of not speaking out about safety- I certainly think that people who don't speak up about drunk driving, in particular, bear some responsibility for the consequences.
However, I have encountered a great deal of stubborn resistance from my parents lately regarding their driving habits, and I guess that experience was the source of my comment. Do you think what you're saying also applies to telling someone things that are useful, helpful, constructive, but can still be considered criticism? I'm speaking, of course, of trying to change our driving habits to conserve gas, a very popular topic here at Green Hybrid.
My parents are loving, intelligent people, but they acted insulted almost to the point of anger when I suggested that they try to drive in a more efficient manner, particularly when they are driving my HCH. It's gotten to the point where they practically refuse to drive it. I can only assume they think I'm sitting there judging them every time we get in a car together-- I brought up the subject a time or two and frankly I'd be happy to drop it now, given their negative reaction (especially my mother's), but they just won't let it go.
Having once told them that they could be doing something better, or that I do things differently, myself, they now turn it into a competition, almost; I mentioned that it's best to slow down far in advance, so now if I have to come to an abrupt halt, they're full of recrimination 'see, you do it, too!' If my mileage drops even a little while I'm driving them somewhere, for whatever reason, it becomes practically a 'victory' for them. All I'm saying is that maybe there's someone out there who has come up with the perfect way to approach people (especially long-time drivers like my parents who don't like change) about improving their driving habits, but it isn't me. If anyone has advice, I'd certainly be open to it.
very good points, LB... been there, done that.
having "graduated" from 13 years of various kinds of therapy [on me], i can vouch for a few things here: if your suggestions have turned into a "contest", chances are very good that there's something else going on besides the driving style issue or gas savings. the old standbys of fear of loss of respect [on either side] or position power are some likely places to start. resentments for lawdy-knows-what might be underneath.
my first reaction to this turn of the thread was amusement: it took me a while to teach/train my wife to not scream at the top of her lungs if she felt i was driving into a dangerous situation [she's a soprano: it can hurt, and is a major distraction when you're trying to find a safe space away from that tractor-trailer trying to occupy your space at the same time!]. now we're down to something we both can live with: she gasps, and that intake of breath is quite audible, and i can react to it immediately: either something like "it's ok, i see what's going on and we're ok" or "oh, @^*%", close your eyes! [if her eyes are closed, she can't be a witness to the accident, right, counsellor? ].
it's also trained ME to drive in such a way that i don't often provoke that "gasp" from her!
finally, from the world of psycho-babble, i'd suggest this: the proverbial "I-Message" which is harder to "argue" by the other side. Something like "I feel nervous when you follow so closely." or "I try to drive for gas economy, and I've found that getting off the gas a bit earlier than i used to can save quite a bit of money at the pump in the long run AND it's a hard habit to form!"
I Messages tend to be much better than "you" messages... the typical "you're screwing up, stupid!" which usually results in a more closed than open mind on behalf of the receiver. been there, done that.
My boyfriend knows I don't care much for his driving (though it could be a lot worse). But then he gets a little upset that I don't trust that he's a good driver. He's never been in an accident, which is good, but maybe it would make him realize how fast it happens. My dad used to be a scary driver and I've been in accidents with him a few times. I've been in two accidents when I was driving and it changed the way I drove.
He has been pulled over for speeding, though he didn't get in trouble for it (I've never been pulled over for anything ever).
My boyfriend doesn't like how I drive now either, he wants me to drive "like I'm going somewhere, not like I'm driving just to drive." And he says the only reason I'm driving this way is because of my hybrid, I didn't used to drive so slow before. Which is true, but if I had to go back to a regular car now I'd still try to hold on the the habits I've acquired. One of the things that upsets him is I drive 60mph on my way home and he thinks I'd rather have good gas mileage than see him, but that's not true, it doesn't matter what time I get home because he's still working anyway, and besides I make up some of the time I loose by not having to stop for gas.
There was one time, right after I had bought gas, we were on the way back to his house and my mileage was going up up up, it was at 70mpg or so and he was encouraging me to get it up to 80mpg, saying there was no one behind me and I could just coast. That made me think he'd have fun with a hybrid. Too bad he already has a nice car. Maybe I should get him a scan gauge.
there's a saying that's probably older than you and me put together... "everybody thinks they're an above-average driver", which is obviously impossible. yeah, i think i'm above average, too...
as i said below, it MIGHT work to try to explain to your boyfriend that you DO ALREADY have fun driving just the way you do now, and going faster isn't necessarily any MORE fun. [that's traditionally a guy thing, too... faster = more exciting. LOL... i just got the joke! something about making love and how that "guy thing" idea can be awfully wrong... faster isn't necessarily "better". use that idea and he may change his driving habits really quickly.... ]
Read somewhere that criminals don't have low self-esteem - they have unearned high self-esteem - i.e. full of it. Different article: most agressive drivers thnk they are better drivers.
When some yuppie fool in a $75,000 land yacht tailgates me, I get pretty nervous because I know that my car will stop a LOT faster than a big SUV in an emergency. This means that I would be hit from behind.
What absolutely TERRIFIES me, however, is being tail gated by a 20-nothing in a ghetto wagon (ie. piece-of-crap Kia SUV). Ghetto thugs carry guns but don't pay their car insurance.
Re: Following Too Closely
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