We had Dish about 7 years ago but decided to go with local cable. Back then, I'd mounted and installed the Dish antenna and equipment and it was a fine service but we didn't need two sources of entertainment. Because of the local channels and potential of cable internet access, we went with the local cable company.

Over the years, the local cable internet access turned out to be too expensive compared to affordable xDSL. There has been a loss of quality with our digital cable service including momentary, lost audio, and some desire to mix up the channels without notice or purpose. Recently the cable company decided to conduct an emergency system test in the middle of the Democratic candidate debate. Add to that billing practices by Marquis de Sade and it is time to fire the cable company.

Remembering Dish with some fondness and liking their new dual-room, separate tuner option, I ordered it up and asked them to send me the equipment. Not listening to me, they said "Mr. Wilson we will send our installer. When do you want the appointment?"

Ok, no problem. I set up a card table and extension cord out to the post where the existing disk antenna still stands and the installer showed up. He then announced, "I have to come into your house."

My wife said, "No."

He called his boss who said, "He has to come into the house. What is the problem."

I replied, "My wife said no."

Boss, "He has to come into the house."

Me, "Then the deal is off. Bye." and they left.

So this week, my wife has gotten several calls from Dish, "Why can't we come into your house?"

My wife replied, "You can not come into my house."

Dish telephone voice, "What is the problem . . ."

Eventually my wife answered, "We don't like you!"

Dish, "But you don't know us."

Wife, "You insist on coming into my house so I don't like you!"

We talked about this and we've decided the next time they call, I will explain the problem:

Dish, "We need to come into the house. What is the problem?"

After making sure they are recording the conversation for quality purposes, the conversation will go like this:

Bob, "Well the reason is we are devil worshipers and anyone who is not a devil worshiper and sees our altar must die. Currently we have two Mormon missionary, two girl scout and one politician heads on the points of the unholy pentangle and we've run out of room.

We asked Bealzebub if we could swap the politican's head for your installer. The Lord of Darkness answered that we were d*mn lucky since the politican was not a Republican politician and Democrats are hard to find in Alabama and we should not risk a perfect pentangle head versus an unknown installer who might be a Republican, life-time member of the NRA anti-abortionist, His outsourced imps.

So you see, if you'll just deliver the equipment with installation instructions, I'll install it just like I did 10 years ago and you won't have to hire a new installation technician . . . and I won't have to apply for the job!"

We are waiting for their next call.

Bob Wilson

ps. Thanks to Mark Twain whose essay "The Carnival of Crime in Connecticut" inspired our plan.

Operation Iraqi Oil Freedom:

Automatic, stock, project car.

My other 1500 cc car:

Automatic, stock, backup car.
Free speech, dialog and knowledge thrives without the poison of SPAM.

ha ha ha, i love it, good work
im going to use that next time a telemarketer calls...

4/27/08 612.1 miles @ 62.1 MPG with 110,000 miles on the Civic

Not the same situation but reminds me of the time I cancelled my cable service.
I called them up and said I'd like to cancel. They said, no problem, for what reason? I said because I do not want it any more. They said, no, you do not understand, we have to have a reason. I said the reason is, because I do not want it. But whats the reason? Because I do not want it. .... and on and on.
It took a while but they gave up.