As that philosopher-poet Kermit the Frog once noted, it’s not easy being green. For drivers of hybrid vehicles, that sentiment is proven each time we get behind the wheel. Driving a hybrid is a personal statement, something akin to crossing the urges to buy a diesel Rabbit and a Mercedes SLK: you want good mileage in a car that turns heads. But out on the highways and byways of this great land those heads being turned don’t necessarily have a smile on their faces. Whether through envy or just plain old unpleasantness, hybrid owners are generating their share of ire from the gasoline only drivers (or shall we call them mono-drivers?). Here are some of the reasons why:

1. Driving slow It’s not exactly news that driving slower saves gasoline. People who are civic minded have been driving their vehicles at or under the speed limit for years, but the popularity of hybrid vehicles has made that driving style more visible. Of course, the same thing applies when first putting the car into motion, but there it’s even more critical to the mileage to do so in a slow, controlled manner – at least in a mild hybrid Honda. I admit on the open road I am not exactly a speed-limit kind of guy, but when accelerating I just have to move slow or else my gas mileage gauge punishes me too much. The MPG meter on the dashboard is a constant reminder how much the heaviness of my foot affects my mileage. Out on that open road I have done some experiments in my Honda Accord Hybrid and found I can continue to use three cylinders instead of six if I drive 70 or below, allowing me to get 35+ MPG. Driving slowly can also annoy other passengers in one’s own vehicles, such as wives and husbands in a hurry to get where they are going. In that situation, I’d recommend a few more miles per hour. After all, you’ll still be getting better mileage than almost anyone else on the road.

2. Pulse and Glide There are a number of fine discussions on this site about how pulsing and gliding can result in substantially improved mileage. The concept is simple: when on level ground or even slight uphills, accelerate smoothly to the speed limit and then allow the car to glide to 10+ MPH below the speed limit. Then pulse and glide again, and again, and again. While this certainly seems to improve mileage, it probably won’t win too many friends on the roadway – especially those behind you. Both driving slow and pulse and glide will cause even more animosity with the mono world if more states allow solo hybrid drivers to use carpool lanes. The carpool lane issue is particularly unfair to people who drive small mono cars (like Toyota Echo, Suzuki Anything) who get better mileage than my HAH or any of the hybrid SUVs. I think the carpool lanes should be for carpools and cars that get twice the mileage of the “average” car. That seems fair, doesn’t it?

3. Refusing to inch forward Here’s the situation: I am stopped at a traffic light or in a traffic jam on the freeway. Traffic inches forward a little bit, as mono-drivers are want to do. And I refuse to move forward. After all, if I do lift my foot off the brake pedal auto-stop turns off and my gasoline engine will restart, burning fuel unnecessarily. I guess you Prius drivers out there might be a little more willing to let the car slide forward if your batteries are full using stealth mode, but even you wouldn’t want to use any of those hard earned electrons to advance negligibly. This can really annoy mono-drivers as it is such a socially-unacceptable thing to do, like talking in a movie theater or slurping your soup.

4. Drafting my life away Another effective way to improve gas mileage is to draft off a vehicle bigger than yourself. If you pull up right behind a semi or even a decent sized van you can improve your mileage by about 10%. Of course, sucking right up to someone’s bumper isn’t a good way to make friends and it’s a dangerous practice as well, so I don’t recommend doing too much drafting at highway speeds.

5. Smiling at the service station This is probably the biggest reason for the hybrid backlash. We hybridites stop at the pump much less often than others and therefore don’t feel as resentful of high gas prices as mono-drivers. In an effort to improve relations with the rest of the driving public I’d suggest a modicum less snickering, smiling, and guffawing at Texaco until further notice.

6. Sense of Superiority Wait, I think I just covered that in Number 5.

So, there it is. There are a number of reasons why mono-drivers might start swearing when they see the word hybrid. As in all situations, happy relations between two divergent groups requires some give and take. We need to be aware of when our efforts to improve mileage are annoying other drivers; luckily, that’s what slow lanes and empty country roads are for, to allow us to pulse and glide to our heart’s content. I’m still not inching forward in any situation – let the honkers do their worst. If mono-drivers are willing to let me remain in auto-stop instead of inching forward, I’m willing to act grumpy at the gas station. I have been practicing a scowl every night for a month to use the next time I have to stop and get gas, and I think it’s just about perfected.

Hey, we’ve all got to make an effort, right?